To be announced

Lots of people reviewing how their 2006 was and what they'd like their 2007 to be.

I don't really feel comfortable with talking about it. I guess because the stuff that really stands out for me is really personal, and I'm deeply aware of the seven or so people who actually read my LJ, and so I worry about running around with my pants down singing the old gray mare, and so I keep quiet about it.

but when I go to the other stuff it just seems kind of shallow and again I am aware of the seven or so people who actually read my LJ and so I worry about looking completely uncool because I obviously have all the brains of a gnat, and so I keep quiet about it.

I know a lot of you have had a really shitty 2006. I'm sorry to know that. I think mine was okay. Sure, some unpleasant stuff happened, but I got handed a humungous trump card right in the last quarter so there is absolutely no way I can say that the year sucked, even with my big bad seasonal affective disorder triggered crash and now my stupid not sleeping brain. dumb brain. (Yes, I know I'm not giving you details. sorry about that. I did explain earlier that I wasn't comfortable and stuff, right? good.)

wait no, I'm going to go back to that.

I really haven't felt comfortable talking about stuff. I don't have time to comb through the five years I've been using this journal, but I'd say reticence is natural to me anyhow. it's just that this year, I've felt especially...

like concealing stuff. I mean going out of my way to keep my mouth shut about my personal life.

It's because I feel like this year, more so than any other year, that I'm being examined through the lens of this thing. and that's not to say that I dislike the idea of people being able to see this! if I hated the notion I'd either f-lock it, filter it, post it private, or not post at all. but my original intent for this LJ was to be a spot where I would talk about writing and creative endeavors more than my private life, and I quit writing some time ago. I haven't made much of anything in 2006 - I did a corset mockup and I made an emergency tulle ball skirt that probably needs to go to a loving home with a goth in it because I don't know where I'm going to wear the darn thing. I've been knitting a lot, but I'm awful at taking pictures of my work. and I figure y'all are sick of me gassing on about my hair.

so it's left a hole in the function of my LJ. now I love LJ, don't get me wrong. my f-list is my morning paper. I badger the people I love to get an LJ or at least an RSS feed so I can subscribe and keep up with them. some succumb. others resist and make me trundle over to their websites anyhow, so I'm definitely not winning them all.

and for 2006, what I really felt the need to communicate was personal stuff. I really wanted to write about things I'm doing and going through and my feelings and sappy crap like that. Maybe the paper journal project for embodiment would help with that need to concretize and get it down but in a private and safe fashion, but sometimes there are things that I wouldn't mind putting out here - would like to put out here - if only I felt safe to do it.

I know the obvious solution is to go friends-only all the way across the board, but I don't really want to do that. a couple of the seven or so people who actually look at this thing don't have LJ accounts, so they'd get nothing but whatever coolass david bowie giving us the finger pic I photoshopped to caption "friends only" and that would be it.

another solution would be to set up and organize some filters and do what lots of people do and ask people which filter(s) they would like to read, and then experiment with using that as a way to express some of this stuff in a more protected fashion. Because what I say in public posts in LJ, I say to the whole world. and there is some stuff I don't want the world to know, even if the world doesn't even really bloody care.

I don't know, I'm flailing, here. I'm open to suggestions. in fact, I'm running off to change my comment defaults so any of the non-lj users who read this thing can pipe up, but I will change it back so you'll have to at least have a typekey identity to comment in this LJ in the future. But please sign it in a way that means at least I know who you are, ok? thanks.

Rich Burlew Explains It All, #372: Why Paladins Suck