cpolk: (Default)
because I want to make sure this place keeps on going because it's important.

and hopefully I will write a bit too, and see what everyone is doing.

So, hi! I came wandering back again. I hope this journal entry finds you well.

My brain is like a playlist on shuffle. I can't hold onto anything for more than a few minutes. I can't mentally sit still.

hold on

does that mean that I shouldn't physically sit still?

goddamnit, I played myself. where's the vacuum
cpolk: (Default)
 (part of this was lifted directly from a post I made on cohost, but I don't have friends there yet.)

The first book of the month is The Dragon Waiting by John M. Ford. It's a reissue, as the book first came out in the ... early 90's? amidst epic quest doorstoppers. (ETA: Early 80's! GOLLY!) I never read it back then. I'm only a little ways in now.

So far, I think Mike (as all of his friends have called him forever, so I do too, even though I think we barely spoke at all, and if so, only online) was every bit the genius my friends say. I'm taking my time through the first pages and in fact I've gone back to the beginning to re-start at what I call my learning pace, because hoo doggie, this is goood. and it's perfectly wonderful read aloud, which I have been doing when I have the whim.

The experience is like I'm listening to someone who is made of stories, and all of those stories have gathered themselves up to become someone who can sit by me, smiling as if it's perfectly sensible (the way dreams feel sensible when you're in the midst of them) to chat with someone he knows, because enough stories about him have been told to me that we are acquainted, and to tell me this story, quietly enough that I have to devote everything to listening. That's the best I can explain it.

I'm pretty sure Mike could do better.

cpolk: (Default)
I have never been good at NaNoWriMo. I've tried a bunch of times and it simply hasn't really worked out. I did rebel in 2015 and counted editing instead of drafting, and succeeded at doing a major, major revision of Witchmark, getting it from 53,000 words to 72,000 words in the process. But drafting? oh no, never.

And I have a good reason to not even try this year, as I am going to have major surgery in a week and then I will be recovering, so there's no way I could reasonably expect to even try.

I keep telling myself that. and I keep on feeling like i'm pretending to be too cool for school because I know deep inside I can't hack it.

Which is crap and i know it, but still.

But I still feel like i should be setting some kind of goal. So okay, fine.

I'm going to read.

I'm hoping that I will read two novels in November. I've had a hard time staying focused on reading for a while, but I did fly through Tread of Angels in a couple days. So let's see what I get up to reading while I'm recovering.

Have you decided to do something in November, or does that way lie madness for you too?

Hello!

Oct. 27th, 2022 11:27 am
cpolk: (Default)
I'm glad to have an excuse to come back to this style of online socializing.

I'm going to have a look around and figure out how I want to tweak various access filters, but for now I'm going to keep it simple and get more complicated later.

But for now, hello! I'm glad you are here! I hope to get up to nonsense very soon.

I used to write a lot of longer posts on this style of platform back in the day. I'm not sure how often I will do that now. 

I'm aiming to be interesting, if brief, and to drop in here pretty regularly. 

If you would like to drop a comment to say hello, please do! and look around at any other commenters you see and say hello to them too.
if you don't know what to say, I have a few things you could tell me:

what is a subject of interest you would like to start learning more about?
what music have you had on repeat lately?
if you cook, what's something you're cooking now that the seasons are shifted?
what do you feel like reading, described with tropes and vibes?
what is the most fascinating activity you've been doing lately?
what is your favorite hot beverage recipe of the moment?
what are you making/building/creating/designing right now?

what is something you'd like to ask other commenters?


I have a question for those of you who have been on DW more regularly: are there communities you are fond of that could be of interest? my tastes are wide ranging so that could be anything, honestly.
cpolk: (yayyyyyy)
 screen grab of the 2021 World Fantasy Award Best Novel finalists, including Piranesi, Susanna Clarke (Bloomsbury), Trouble the Saints, Alaya Dawn Johnson (Tor), The Only Good Indians, Stephen Graham Jones (Saga/Titan UK), Mexican Gothic, Silvia Moreno-Garcia (Del Rey/Jo Fletcher UK), and The Midnight Bargain, C.L. Polk (Erewhon/Orbit UK)
cpolk: (hygeia)
I bought a fragrance fitting from Luckyscent. I told them i was nuts about two things: Niki de Saint Phalle, and vetiver.

so they picked out some samples and I grabbed one at random and put it on, and

I *specifically* said that I was looking for a perfume that ran counter to Calvin Klein Obsession. i imagined that saying that to a thinking person who is also a perfume expert, that would mean that i wasn't looking for ambery sweet powdery patchouli vanilla stuff. that i was looking for something challenging, unsafe, a little zany.

Kismet smells like a cross between Obsession and its grandmother, Shalimar. EXACTLY WHAT I SAID I DIDN'T WANT!

and i mean, for what it's trying to be, it's doing a very good job. I'm in the center of a powdery amber resin and vanilla cloud, with a little bit of pothead patchouli but nothing unsafe. If i really wanted to remember how much my high school experience was like a John Hughes movie, this is a great pick. but it is not what i asked for. it is what i specifically said I didn't want.

So my annoyance may be coloring my review. minus ten points from Luckyscent on their fragrance fitting so far!

Now how do I wash this stuff off?
cpolk: (Default)
I took my first dose of Vyvanse at about 7am. I'm not noticing any jittery I'm on drugs effects, but I wrote a 2202 word scene that involved a lot of googling stuff real quick for answers.

  • I did not peek at my email.
  • I did not look in on my chats.
  • I did not wander away to do a chore I just remembered.
  • I don't even remember having to consciously turn my attention back to my task.

I'm eating a goddamn bon bon.

 
cpolk: (Default)
i watched a video today about clutter threshold, which is the amount of stuff you can have before you can't keep it organized.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2opr5i0QVk
 
i hadn't thought about it that way before. also a big vibe where she was talking about how she was taught to have everything she needed for every contingency, and it made me think about how my grandparents, who absolutely were hoarders, really really put value on saving things, because you might need it later
 
on top of that, they were also collectors, like me
 
 
so i grew up with a literal wall of bookshelves with every shelf absolutely crammed with books. all kinds of books! from encyclopaedias to a three volume oxford english dictionary to pulp paperbacks. there were hundreds of magazines - national geographic, ebony, jet, canadian living, and Man, Myth, and Magic. there were boxes and boxes of comic books that cost twelve cents. I read constantly. I would wake up and my book would be in my hand before I got out of bed. I fell asleep and lost my page every night. 
 
every single closet in that house was crammed full of clothes, dating from as far back as the 30s. (hell, i went back there after being gone for ten years and gramma said, "I still have that jacket of yours." and she had my old leather jacket, with the studs and the meticulously painted fantasy art and the sleeve full of occult symbols and there was still a fucking gig ticket in the mickey pocket!) 
 
there were teacups, souvenir spoons, novelty salt and pepper shakers that were all painted and glazed ceramic. books and books of stamps and coins. thousands of photographs, from really old posed studio photographs to kodak brownie shots to polaroids - and I would regard them as objects of value. objects that mattered. even though there were so many of them.
 
it's probably no surprise to anyone that I adore museums, lol
 
but I remember how it felt to lift that old jacket out of the bag it had been stored in so carefully. how i was flooded with feelings as I remembered. buying it. wearing it everywhere. carefully unpicking the lining to cover the yoke in studs and then sewing it back in. how people would know it was me from just a glimpse of it--how it was like wearing my self and my armor at the same time...how powerful it was.
 
how much my gramma loved me, to know that she should preserve it, that it was a treasure.
 
and this is really hard to release. I had a realization a few months ago that I wasn't getting rid of things that i didn't need any more and didn't even like any more because I felt like I had to find all my inanimate objects a safe future. and i was like okay screw that! and I yeeted a whole bunch of stuff!
 
and then I got to my clothes and I just. got in my feelings about it!
 
I couldn't do it! I would pick something up and it was like...throwing away a piece of my expression? my identity? and what if I am not ready to get rid of rose lace fishnet tights? how could I possibly devalue what they said about me?

hello i am chelsea i am seventeen neurotic beliefs in a trenchcoat

how do you do?
cpolk: (Default)
I opened a tab and it was my writing journal from early this morning and I wrote, "this scene feels boring to me and I don't know what anybody is wearing."

and then I proceeded to figure out the cultural contrasts in formal/ceremonial dress, some information that isn't quite sumptuary law but would allow an experienced eye figure out the social rank between the higher and lower order of aristocrats, and beauty standards.

I haven't figured out how to make it not boring, but maybe that's something i fix later.
cpolk: (hygeia)
nobody's fault. it's just that i'm very data-responsive and something caught my attention before I started working.

so let me back up a bit. a few months ago someone suggested that one minor thing I could do was not let myself look at the distracting internet first thing in the morning. Just. Don't look at it. go about your day.

so i tried it out and it was very effective, and I was happy. I did it consistently for about a week, and i pumped myself up with how good it was to do this thing, how well it protected me from getting lost in unimportant stuff that sapped my energy, etc.

and then one morning I forgot about it completely and opened the internet.

cw self-administered emotional abuse  )

cpolk: (Default)
I'm getting back around to using any.do to make sure that I do daily routine stuff. I have sorted my tasks, refined recurring tasks, eliminated things that weren't working for me, all that.

I'm using Freedom to block more of my time--social media goes bye bye at midnight, and most of it isn't reachable until 8:30am, and Twitter stays off until 9:30 am. I'm including a period between 8 and 8:30 where everything is shut down except my reading apps.

I want to rebuild my reading habits, and I think that if I transfer the urge to read from scrolling twitter to half an hour with an eyeballs book, I might get my focus back.

I also would like to cook again. stovetop stuff - I am not running my oven again for many weeks (oh I should figure out how to give it a good scrub!)

routines are good for me. and i rebel against them because that is my way, but I always return to it.
cpolk: (Default)
 I increased the manuscript by 565 words.

They were editing words. I was changing two scenes that I had already written, because I needed to correct them before I could go on with the new scene. But it is much hotter in here now than it was when I first started at 6 am and so I am going to respect the fact that hot rooms that are not saunas upset me so much that I can't do the meaningful mental work of writing, take care of myself, and stop.

So I get a bon bon today, because I got them to reward myself for working on the manuscript.

I have ordered a window mounted fan. It won't get here until Wednesday, but there is plenty more summer it can help with.

(there's going to be a filtered post today with more detail. As ever, comment if you're curious.)

ETA: It suddenly cooled off in here dramatically, so I decided to write three sentences in the manuscript.

make today's total 2195 words. *g*
cpolk: (Default)
that included a little editing and stuff on previous scenes as well as new words written.

honestly. My biggest obstacle is starting. once i get over myself and just write a sentence, I tend to do all right with continuing on.

I'm going to do a second post in the progress filter, so if you're reading this and you are interested in reading more detail about the story that could possibly get spoilery, plus bonus creation anxiety, just let me know and I will add you! 
cpolk: (Default)
 There is a horrible heat wave coming and I am prepping by cooking protein to put on top of my salads, because I promise I will not want to cook when it hits. I'm making simple syrup batches so I can quickly make iced coffee or iced tea or lemonade. I am playing freezer tetris so I know what I can make fruit smoothies from. I'm making sure my hot weather clothes are clean and ready to wear so I don't have to make these decisions later.

But I am not writing, and I know when Hell's Armpit comes to visit I am not going to want to do that.

but I also have a BPAL order coming that I am very excited about, and my love for Puddin' has grown, because he didn't have to do me that favor, but he is.
cpolk: (Artemis&Cupid)
 words today: 1326. a scene completed. there are now decisions to make about the next scene that I will think about while I eat this chocolate.

also I made a thing last night. I posted it to twitter:

a bingo card. squares read An enormous capital city, A jingling purse full of coins, Prologue, Humble protagonist glow-up, Drat! I need a map!, Someone repeats an old legend, The thief's guild or the slums, Somebody who can fight, Shoot, I need a conlang, A Glossary, A treacherous journey, Three or more POV characters, A WIZARD DID IT, A single road that spans the entire kingdom, The stakes are actually higher than I thought, Dramatis Personae, Oaths that swear by parts of various gods, Some kind of monarch, An Oracle, a Prophecy, or words of omen, An astonishing fantasy creature, Hark! A threat to the throne!, Feasts, Balls, and Games: intrigue is mandatory, I need an additional map, A nearly unbeatable villain, The Magical MacGuffin

I am, naturally, keeping score on my progress: 

no bingo yet, but close )

534 words.

Jun. 22nd, 2021 10:14 am
cpolk: (Default)
 534 words. I said my minimum word count to merit one of the fancy bonbons i bought as a reward for making wordcount was 500, so i get to have a pretty colored chocolate. but my brain is a jerk and is mad because I did the bare minimum and don't actually deserve it.

fuck off, brain. if you were my boss i would organize a union and lead a strike against you, so there.

*returns with chocolate*

so now I come down to it. I would like to talk about my current project in more detail, but i don't want to do that in a public entry. so if you are interested in hearing details about my current story that aren't generally available, please comment on this post to be added to the filter!
cpolk: (Default)
okay i kind of want to do a regular check in where i speak vaguely about the work i did on my book, and i remembered i have a DW and it's made for this kind of thing

so I'm going to do updates about that! as regularly as I can remember to do them.

I'm wondering if i should make a filter just in case i want to talk about something that might be spoilery. hm.




cpolk: (Default)
I've decided to track what I do in a day, in 30 minute increments. I already have some observer effect, as I have only spent 30 minutes goofing around on the internet.

I'm not sure how long I should continue the experiment. I think for the month of June? 


cpolk: (Default)
Because it's supposed to be a good thing to do

and I'm thinking intermittent posting. once a month? short, light, fluffy. I have a few subjects to choose from, and I am still kind of testing things out, so i'll be developing ideas/changing my mind about the content. But i definitely want to keep it infrequent, fluffy, and fun.

Because I need a little of that, and I think maybe other people might too.  

ETA: I have done it! and the first newsletter shall be RELENTLESSLY PINK. you can sign up by visiting clpolk.com and waiting a few seconds for the popup, or by visiting http://eepurl.com/cOfo4z
cpolk: (Default)
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Yes, there's plenty of room

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