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Jul. 28th, 2006 05:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cpolkEleven things I will serve my best never to put in a fantasy novel unless I am trying to undermine them, and in fact could do without entirely from now on, thanks
1. Villains who are gay/perverted/obese/epicurean/puppy killers because that's just what villains, DO, man.
2. Heroes who, upon three second's exposure to a situation come up with a beautifully elegant plan to solve the problems and save the village - that doesn't wait three beats and blow up in their faces.
3. Social systems that are absolutely, 100 percent and without exception internally consistent.
4. A boy and girl who are childhood friends, and the boy/girl's agonizing, unrequited love is returned as soon as s/he has the nerve to speak up.
4a. especially if all the other plotty stuff in the story becomes irrelevant after that happy event.
5. a human fighter and an elven ranger/mage and a dwarven warrior and a clever thief (with a heart of gold) and an out of his depth dude walk into a bar...
5a. no, they don't know each other. what gave you that idea?
6. you can eat anything you want, as long as it's a hearty stew.
6a. and you can drink anything you want, as long as it's beer or wine. quality varies.
7. never mind that other stuff - we've got to restore this person to the throne and fix EVERYTHING in one fell swoop!
8. there's a market quarter in town. everybody shops there. see that girl in the kerchief and mended shoes? she's actually the crown princess. she figures she's fooling everyone in town. we keep an eye out for her, poor thing...
9. farmgirl/boy, after his/her sleepy pastoral village is utterly destroyed by maurauding bandits/enemy soldiers on reconaissance/ brutal military overlords of his/her unjust country, sets out to seek his/her fortune once that funny old man comes back in town just in time to be too late and guide him/her to his/her destiny as a saviour.
10. elves are cool and endlessly helpful to humans!
10a. elves are self-centered little prats and won't help humans!
10b. except this one abandonded farmboy/girl that this funny old man dropped off two days ago...
11. misunderstood adolescent is taken away by some funny old man and zomg meets a magical animal that will love him/her no matter what! in service to a just ruler, naturally.
1. Villains who are gay/perverted/obese/epicurean/puppy killers because that's just what villains, DO, man.
2. Heroes who, upon three second's exposure to a situation come up with a beautifully elegant plan to solve the problems and save the village - that doesn't wait three beats and blow up in their faces.
3. Social systems that are absolutely, 100 percent and without exception internally consistent.
4. A boy and girl who are childhood friends, and the boy/girl's agonizing, unrequited love is returned as soon as s/he has the nerve to speak up.
4a. especially if all the other plotty stuff in the story becomes irrelevant after that happy event.
5. a human fighter and an elven ranger/mage and a dwarven warrior and a clever thief (with a heart of gold) and an out of his depth dude walk into a bar...
5a. no, they don't know each other. what gave you that idea?
6. you can eat anything you want, as long as it's a hearty stew.
6a. and you can drink anything you want, as long as it's beer or wine. quality varies.
7. never mind that other stuff - we've got to restore this person to the throne and fix EVERYTHING in one fell swoop!
8. there's a market quarter in town. everybody shops there. see that girl in the kerchief and mended shoes? she's actually the crown princess. she figures she's fooling everyone in town. we keep an eye out for her, poor thing...
9. farmgirl/boy, after his/her sleepy pastoral village is utterly destroyed by maurauding bandits/enemy soldiers on reconaissance/ brutal military overlords of his/her unjust country, sets out to seek his/her fortune once that funny old man comes back in town just in time to be too late and guide him/her to his/her destiny as a saviour.
10. elves are cool and endlessly helpful to humans!
10a. elves are self-centered little prats and won't help humans!
10b. except this one abandonded farmboy/girl that this funny old man dropped off two days ago...
11. misunderstood adolescent is taken away by some funny old man and zomg meets a magical animal that will love him/her no matter what! in service to a just ruler, naturally.
